The Team "Not-to-be-Named-in-this-Article-Because-They-Are-Pansies" that beat the Norms (now 5-5-2) 14-2 last Wednesday are quite possibly the worst 9-2-1 team in Class D Softball ever. That doesn't say much about the slumping Norms, a once proud franchise, but it says worse about the state of softball in Governor Tim Pawlenty's state of Minnesota.
"The game has changed a lot over the years. We are now using a yellow ball, a really heavy yellow ball, and teams don't have any balls at all anymore as far as I can see, stated Mookie."
"It's like that 9-2-1 team, what a bunch of pansies. The first time we played them with T-Snide, Kurtie, Knute, TJ, Daughts, and Derek, and they jump out to a 5-0 lead in the first inning. They start talking crap IMMEDIATELY! Then in the bottom of the first, they just shut-up, why? Because we dumped 11 on them, then we dumped 11 more, and so on... did they talk then? NO! They didn't start chirpin again, until they batted around in the 4th Inning of June 21st's game."
And talk they did. Leading 14-1, the "NOT TO BE NAMED TEAM" team goaded Mookie into a smack fest. A veteran pitcher of 15 years, it was very hard to let their disrespect go unnoticed.
"At one point, one the idiots over there, barked out to his batter that he should launch a bomb to end the game (Due to a 15-run mercy rule invoked by the City of Eagan's Parks and Rec Department)," said Mookie, "But I had to remind the little genius, that
1.they had already used the one HR per game alottment, and
2.that it would be fine by us if he launched one because it would be the last out of inning."
That exchange started some jawing, and soon the good natured rips turned into another umpire intervention where both teams were warned about further escalation.
"Ya, I can't shut up when people goad me, that's for sure. I am just not programmed to be anyone's rug. I F'n hate it when we can't retaliate with good softball- myself included in that- it drives me nuts. But those guys on the other team should remember that when we smoked them 25-5, we didn't talk at them at all. We just did it, shut up and let the play talk for itself. That's all I really wanted them to think about. I even asked them straight up, "Why can't you just shut-up and finish the butt kickin?'"
The Norms chances of winning the title this season are virtually nil. They must run the table, and win all 6 games, and hope for 4 losses or ties for 3 other teams ahead of them in the standings.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Norms Sign Two Avoid Forfeit
In a 12th hour like move, Brandon "Booty" Butorac reigned in 2 free agents to help the Norm's avert their first team forfeit in franchise history, signing Chad Nelson and Matt Hoese to 1-Day Contracts with team options for the remainder of the season.
"Booty just earned a stripe for 'chipping in during and off-field crisis,' stated Mookie Anderson, "That's one step closer to someday running the franchise."
According to scouting reports, and not yet confirmed "street cred" information, it is believed that one of the rookie signees plays OF, but is willing to play anywhere, is left handed, played RB for NDSU, and was rumored to be a steriod user. The other signee was a possible 3B canidate who once played for Hopkins, MN HS.
The Norms front office was just happy to get players on the line-up card for tonights game against the first place Gabriel Financial squad. At one point this morning, Head Coach Brent Anderson offered up this critical alert to all Norms Rostered players,
"Things are looking bad for players. Never thought I'd say this with a 20 man roster, but we just may have to forfeit tonight unless we scrounge up enough guys. We have NO players with any experience on the left side of the infield AND we play the team thats in 1st place. Anybody know anyone? If you do, its time to tap your resources. We need confirmations by 1ish or so."
He was immediately sent a note back from Mookie, stating, "No forfeitting, we'll go take it like men, and see what happens. This team has never forfeitted, and will not start now. I don't care if we are spanked red tonight, I will be there and I
will play SS if I have to."
For those who have never experienced a front-office player crisis like this, it may come as a surprise to learn that events like this are not uncommon.
"It think this is just a solid reminder on why it's fun to just be a player, and not have the BS responsibility of putting a team together," Stated Mookie, "It takes work, and trust that the players who sign up will actually show up. You are very lucky, very lucky as a manager if you have the same 10-12 guys showing up for 10-12 games every summer. It's rare, and the work that goes on behind the scenes to just put a roster together from week to week should NEVER go unnoticed."
So thanks to Booty and some front-office scrambling, the Norms should be able to field a healthy squad of 11 tonight.
"Booty just earned a stripe for 'chipping in during and off-field crisis,' stated Mookie Anderson, "That's one step closer to someday running the franchise."
According to scouting reports, and not yet confirmed "street cred" information, it is believed that one of the rookie signees plays OF, but is willing to play anywhere, is left handed, played RB for NDSU, and was rumored to be a steriod user. The other signee was a possible 3B canidate who once played for Hopkins, MN HS.
The Norms front office was just happy to get players on the line-up card for tonights game against the first place Gabriel Financial squad. At one point this morning, Head Coach Brent Anderson offered up this critical alert to all Norms Rostered players,
"Things are looking bad for players. Never thought I'd say this with a 20 man roster, but we just may have to forfeit tonight unless we scrounge up enough guys. We have NO players with any experience on the left side of the infield AND we play the team thats in 1st place. Anybody know anyone? If you do, its time to tap your resources. We need confirmations by 1ish or so."
He was immediately sent a note back from Mookie, stating, "No forfeitting, we'll go take it like men, and see what happens. This team has never forfeitted, and will not start now. I don't care if we are spanked red tonight, I will be there and I
will play SS if I have to."
For those who have never experienced a front-office player crisis like this, it may come as a surprise to learn that events like this are not uncommon.
"It think this is just a solid reminder on why it's fun to just be a player, and not have the BS responsibility of putting a team together," Stated Mookie, "It takes work, and trust that the players who sign up will actually show up. You are very lucky, very lucky as a manager if you have the same 10-12 guys showing up for 10-12 games every summer. It's rare, and the work that goes on behind the scenes to just put a roster together from week to week should NEVER go unnoticed."
So thanks to Booty and some front-office scrambling, the Norms should be able to field a healthy squad of 11 tonight.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Russian Grandpa Makes it as Porn Star at 75
Ya, Norms, this is REAL: A 75-year-old grandad has become a porn star in Russia after wandering into a porn movie audition by mistake, Ananova said Wednesday.
David Bozdoganov wandered into the Gorodcki production company studios after mistaking posters for new erotic actors as an advert for a muscle man show.
Director Alexander Plahov said: “We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples simulating sex on stage when I saw this old guy standing at the back.
Source: http://mosnews.com/news/2006/03/22/grandpa.shtml
”I wandered over to ask him to leave, but then I saw this massive package straining against his trousers. I thought, “This could be an original idea”.
“And I was so right — all the movies we’ve made with David have been huge successes.”
The pensioner’s biggest hits have been The Old Neighbor and The Handyman at Work.
But Plahov added: “His female co-stars always complain because David believes in the beneficial power of garlic and insists on rubbing it on his erection before a scene, so it’s rather smelly.”
David Bozdoganov wandered into the Gorodcki production company studios after mistaking posters for new erotic actors as an advert for a muscle man show.
Director Alexander Plahov said: “We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples simulating sex on stage when I saw this old guy standing at the back.
Source: http://mosnews.com/news/2006/03/22/grandpa.shtml
”I wandered over to ask him to leave, but then I saw this massive package straining against his trousers. I thought, “This could be an original idea”.
“And I was so right — all the movies we’ve made with David have been huge successes.”
The pensioner’s biggest hits have been The Old Neighbor and The Handyman at Work.
But Plahov added: “His female co-stars always complain because David believes in the beneficial power of garlic and insists on rubbing it on his erection before a scene, so it’s rather smelly.”
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Still in the Hunt But Looking to Bust Slumps
On paper, the 2006 Norms are still in the hunt for the league title, sitting only 3 pts back of the leader, Caspers Sports Barn. Wednesday night, the 5-3-1 Norms can close that gap closer when the the teams meet up for the 2nd time this year.
"This is not a should win, could win, situation," stated an anonymous Norms player from the front office, "This is a t-shirt game, a must win situation!"
The Norms, losers of 3 of the last 4 games, have been anemic on offense during that stretch, but still post the 2nd best "total runs allowed" mark.
"It doesn't take a genius to figure this out, we just need to go up there and fricking hit the ball hard somewhere. It's slow pitch, every one can see the ball, everyone should just chill out, and hit, and hustle. That'll do it."
"This is not a should win, could win, situation," stated an anonymous Norms player from the front office, "This is a t-shirt game, a must win situation!"
The Norms, losers of 3 of the last 4 games, have been anemic on offense during that stretch, but still post the 2nd best "total runs allowed" mark.
"It doesn't take a genius to figure this out, we just need to go up there and fricking hit the ball hard somewhere. It's slow pitch, every one can see the ball, everyone should just chill out, and hit, and hustle. That'll do it."
Derek Willis Signs With St. Paul Saints
It was just a matter of time before some professional organization would recognize tha talent from Norm's Centerfielder Derek Willis and sign him away. That time is now.
Derek, arguably the Norms fastest player in history was signed by St. Paul's minor league squad after they saw him at an open tryout in May.
"We are excited for Derek, and wish him all the best in his pro career," said teammate and webmaster Mookie Anderson. "We will be putting up a video tribute to him on the web site soon."
See Derek's Bio on St. Paul Saints website!
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